Stop Asking "How Was School?": 20 Questions That Actually Get Kids Talking

If you have a school-aged child, I’m guessing you’ve had some version of this conversation:

You: “How was school?”

Your child: “Good.”

You: “What did you do?”

Your child: “I don’t know.”

And...scene. 😂

You know they just spent HOURS away from you. They learned things. They played with friends. Someone probably made them laugh. Someone may have annoyed them. They ate lunch, went to recess, made approximately 47 decisions, and somehow they have absolutely nothing to report.

As a former teacher and a mom, I can tell you this: the problem usually isn’t that kids don’t want to tell us about their day. Sometimes we’re just asking a question that’s really hard for them to answer.

So instead of asking, “How was school?” every afternoon, try getting a little more specific. The best questions to ask kids after school are simple, specific, and give them an easy place to start.

Why Does My Child Say “I Don’t Know” When I Ask About School?

Think about what we're actually asking when we say, “How was school?”

We're essentially asking a child to sort through an entire day of experiences, decide which parts are important enough to tell us about, organize those thoughts, and then put everything into words.

That's a lot packed into four little words. For younger children especially, a more specific question gives their brain somewhere to start.

Instead of: “How was school?”

Try: “What made you laugh today?”

Now they don't have to summarize their entire day. They only have to think about one thing: When did I laugh?

That small shift can make a BIG difference.

And these little back-and-forth conversations matter. Responsive interactions between children and the adults who care for them support language, social skills, and development. The Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University describes this back-and-forth communication as “serve and return” interaction.

20 Questions to Ask Kids After School

You definitely don't need to ask all 20 of these when your child walks through the door. 😂

Actually, please don't.

Pick one or two and see where the conversation goes.

Questions About the Best Parts of Their Day

1. What was the best part of your day?

2. What made you laugh today?

3. What was something fun you did today?

4. What are you excited to do again tomorrow?

Questions About Friends

5. Who did you play with today?

6. Who did you sit by at lunch?

7. Did anyone do something kind for you today?

8. Did you do something kind for someone else?

Questions About Learning

9. What was the coolest thing you learned today?

10. Did you learn anything that surprised you?

11. What was the easiest thing you did at school today?

12. What was the hardest thing you had to do?

Questions That Get Kids Thinking

13. If you could do one part of today over again, what would you pick?

14. Was there anything you wish had gone differently today?

15. What is something you did today that you're proud of?

16. Did you try anything new today?

Questions That Are Just FUN

17. What was the funniest thing that happened today?

18. If your teacher gave out an award for the day, what would you win?

19. If you could switch places with anyone in your class for one day, who would you choose?

20. If you could give today a score from 1–10, what would you give it? Why?

Don't Ask the Second They Walk Through the Door

This one can be hard because we want to know what happened.

They've been gone all day!

But imagine walking in the door after a long day of work and immediately hearing:

“How was work?”

“What did you do?”

“Who did you talk to?”

“Did anything happen?”

“What are you doing tomorrow?”

I'd probably want to hide in the pantry with a snack, too.

Some kids are ready to tell you EVERYTHING the second they see you. Others need time.

They may need a snack. They may need to move their body. They may want to play. They may need 20 minutes where nobody asks them to do or explain anything.

You don't have to force the conversation just because school ended five minutes ago.

Try bringing up one of these questions later—in the car, while you're making dinner, during bath time, or while you're getting ready for bed.

Sometimes the best conversations happen when you're not sitting across from your child saying, “Okay. Tell me about your day.”

Let the Conversation Go Where THEY Take It

This might be my favorite part.

Let's say you ask: “Who did you play with at recess?”

And your child says: “Emma. But then Emma wanted to play tag and I didn't want to play tag because yesterday she said I was too slow and then Jack came over and—”

There it is.

That's the conversation. You don't need to move on to question #6. Follow their lead.

Ask: “Wait, she said you were too slow? How did that make you feel?” or “So what did you decide to do?”

The goal isn't to complete a list of questions.

The goal is connection.

Back-and-forth conversations work best when adults notice what a child is interested in, respond to it, and then give the child time to respond again. Even simply waiting matters—children sometimes need a little more time to organize their thoughts and formulate an answer.

And Try Not to Fix Everything

This is something I think we ALL have to remind ourselves of sometimes.

Your child tells you someone wouldn't play with them. Your parent brain immediately goes: WHO? WHAT HAPPENED? DO I NEED TO EMAIL SOMEONE?!

But sometimes kids aren't looking for us to solve the problem. Sometimes they just want to tell us what happened.

You can try: “That sounds like it really hurt your feelings.” And then...wait.

Give them a chance to keep talking.

Of course there are situations where we absolutely need to step in. But not every uncomfortable moment needs an immediate solution. Sometimes listening is the most helpful thing we can do.

What If My Child STILL Doesn't Want to Talk About School?

Then don't panic. Seriously.

You could ask the world's greatest, most developmentally appropriate, beautifully worded question and still get: “I don't know.”

Kids are people. Sometimes they're tired. Sometimes they're hungry. Sometimes nothing particularly interesting happened. And sometimes they just don't feel like talking. You don't have to turn every school day into a deep conversation. Try again another day.

More importantly, keep creating little opportunities for conversation in everyday life. Talk in the car. Tell them something funny that happened during your day. Ask their opinion.

Listen when they tell you a 12-minute story about something that seems completely insignificant.

Because here's the thing: If we want our kids to come to us with the big things someday, we have to make space for the little things now.

Responsive, back-and-forth interactions with caring adults are an important part of children's development and help build the foundation for communication and social skills.

And no, that doesn't mean you have to have a meaningful heart-to-heart with your child every afternoon.

It means we keep showing up. We keep listening. We stay curious about their little world.

And maybe... just maybe... we stop asking “How was school?” 😉

Quick List: What Should I Ask My Child Instead of “How Was School?”

If you only remember five questions from this post, start with these:

• What made you laugh today?

• Who did you play with today?

• What was the hardest part of your day?

• What is something you did today that you're proud of?

• If you could change one thing about today, what would it be?

They're specific enough to give kids somewhere to start, but open-ended enough to lead to an actual conversation.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why won't my child tell me about school?

Your child may simply have trouble answering a question as broad as “How was school?” They may also be tired, hungry, distracted, or need some time to decompress before talking. Try asking a more specific question later in the day instead of immediately after pickup.

What are good questions to ask kids after school?

Good after-school questions are specific, open-ended, and easy for children to understand. Questions like “What made you laugh today?”, “Who did you play with?” and “What was the hardest part of your day?” give children a clear memory or experience to think about.

Should I ask my child about school every day?

You can create opportunities to talk every day without expecting a detailed report every day. If your child doesn't feel like talking, that's okay. Keep conversations low-pressure and try again another time.

How do I get my child to open up to me?

Focus less on getting information and more on building a pattern of listening. Ask specific questions, give your child time to answer, follow their lead, share parts of your own day, and resist the urge to immediately solve every problem they bring to you.

The Bottom Line

There isn't a magic question that will suddenly make your child tell you every detail of their day. And honestly? That's not really the goal.

We're trying to create a relationship where our kids know:

Mom or Dad is interested in my world.

They listen when I talk.

I can tell them things.

So tonight, skip “How was school?”

Try: “What made you laugh today?”

And see where the conversation takes you. ❤️